Facing Blind Spots

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Right, man. You can't grow what you won't face. You can't lead what you can't see. Some leaders don't fail because of talent. They fail because of blind spots. And every one of us see the problem except for them, right? If you want to grow on purpose and not by accident, it actually starts with self-awareness. So today we're talking about how to lead yourself with honesty, humility, and clarity. Let's dig in.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Self-awareness, blind spots. I was talking to your wife before we got here.

SPEAKER_03 0:35

Ah, wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

She said you don't have

Humor And Humility At Home

SPEAKER_00 0:38

any blind spots. You weren't talking to her today.

SPEAKER_03 0:42

You weren't talking to her.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

That's a wrap. You know what? We just need to talk to our wives. And they're gonna let us know. That's all we need. I was not expecting that. We have dinner later tonight. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:57

That's that's it, bro.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

After hours.

SPEAKER_03 0:59

Oh my goodness. The blind spots. Yeah, she she is really one that has kept me humble. Uh because I what I love about her is that she's not impressed with me. Uh right. It's like, oh, you've done this, you've done that. And I dude, I'll come back after doing some really cool

The Staff Meeting Wake-Up Call

SPEAKER_03 1:16

or what I think is really cool work. And I'm just like, oh man, I've I've preached on this stage and I've I've moved this person and I've I've spoken this. And she's like, all right, cool. Um, can you do the dishes? I'm like, right, but you're not impressed. So, anyways, man, I I think about that and how we need people in our life to to humble us and to teach us these blind spots. I was thinking about it uh before we dove in or dive into the conversation. I was thinking about this um and a moment I had, and I've probably shared this a moment before, but I was in this uh this staff meeting, I was leading this staff meeting, and I was super passionate. And and one of the things with me is that when I get excited about something or I get passionate about something, my hands start going, uh, you know, my my inflection is moving, and I actually become very persuasive and and I can become convincing and and right. I I'm I'm I'm leaning in because now I'm paying attention to the room. And you know, as leaders, we find that zone and it's like, oh, I'm I'm there now. I'm tapping in, I'm I'm locked in, right? So I'm locked in and I'm sharing this moment and I'm with the team, and I'm like, all right, and so we all feel this, don't we? We we we're all are here, and I'm I'm just trying to, we're we're all here, right? Right? And uh someone, one of the staff, uh kind of took a break and or paused for a moment, slipped up their hand, and I'm like in it. I'm just like, all right, we in it, we in it. And she says, um, no, that's just you. Oh gosh. And I was at the moment, I was, you know, you start going through the the tapes and the mental uh judo and and everything else, and I'm just like, man, she just doesn't get it. And and maybe something's wrong with her. And and she like, she always shows up like that, and she's always doing this. Right. What I didn't realize was she was highlighting something that I was actually unaware of. That every time I showed up in a space, I was assuming that these people would be the same, they would have the same passion or the same empathy that I had for things, right? So this was forced empathy. And and what it was was that she wasn't passionate about this thing, not because she wasn't passionate about it, because she didn't know it like I did. Right. And she didn't have the same information, and it wasn't something that she really enjoyed. And so I was trying to force this passion on her. And so that was a major blind spot for me because speaking of my wife, I've probably done the same thing to her. Like I'm very convincing and I'm very persuasive, and I get really passionate, not realizing is this person actually on the same page that I'm on? Right, or have I just forced them into a decision?

SPEAKER_00 3:57

So here's the crazy part about that story is it's not that you intentionally missed her. In fact, you were trying to do the complete opposite. Get her excited about the initiative. Yep, yep, yep. I know you're not intentionally missing your wife. Yes, yeah, yeah. Consequences there, right?

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Excuse consequences, yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Yet you still missed it. And I admire you, I think you're an amazing leader. Thanks, man. And you still missed it. And I think it's so interesting how it's like this catch 22. Self-awareness is so important, but when we're not self-aware, we don't actually know it. Yeah. That's why, that's why we call it a blind spot.

SPEAKER_03 4:29

That's why it's a blind spot, right? I can't see it.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Let's do this for our listeners. Here, I I came up with this. Um, I was doing a little research.

Defining Self-Awareness

SPEAKER_00 4:36

All right, let's define self-awareness. So, Tara Well from Psychology today, uh, doing some research on this. Here's how she defines self-awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your emotions and behaviors key and how they affect others. Yeah. And then she goes on to break it up into two parts. She says it encompasses internal self-awareness, knowing your values, passions, and impact, and external self-awareness, understanding how others perceive you. Yep. What do you think? You think she hit it?

SPEAKER_03 5:12

I think she's on the money. Every leader, uh, every time my wife makes fun of me because I was pointing to it for those of you who can't see, but I carry a book bag everywhere I go, right? Uh a book bag, and my wife makes fun of me. She's like, Oh, you're you're just such a kid. Why are you carrying a book bag? You need a briefcase, yada yada yada. And the thing is, the book bag is able to carry the things that I need. Right. And so the reality though is what I have to come to grips with, and what I think Tara Wells hitting on so much, is that every time I show up somewhere, I show up with what I'm carrying.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Right.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

Right? Every time I show up, I show up with what I'm carrying. And what's interesting is that I'm not just showing up with what I'm carrying, right? I think we've got to lean on to that. It's what I'm carrying, my education, my skills, my talents, my abilities, uh, what I learned here, the experiences I have I

The Book Bag We All Carry

SPEAKER_03 6:00

have had. It's not just the experience, but it's the explanation I've given to it, right? So it's not just what I show up with, but it's also who I show up with. Like here's here's the part that we often miss as leaders. Every time I show up in the room, in my book bag is the stubbornness of my grandmom. In my book bag is the charisma of my grandfather. In my book bag is the playfulness of my mom. In my book bag is also the intensity and the seriousness and the persuasiveness of my dad. What's also in that book bag is the good, the bad, the ugly, my trauma, my experiences. Right. I bring all of that every time I show up to a space. And leaders, we love showing up to spaces, but we never pay attention to what we show up with, the internal self-awareness. And then I have to realize my wife gets gets on and there's like, I bring that book bag and it takes up space.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

Right? And so now when we're we just got off an airplane, she can't, she doesn't have room for her foot because I've put my book bag in the place where she was going to put her foot. So every time I show up, I I'm not just showing up with what I have, it also puts a demand and an effect on the people I show up with.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

Yeah, I was thinking the question that just came when you said that is we will often ask, How do I show up? Right. And I think we're gonna get there in a moment because that's a huge way to kind of overcome this. But at the same time, that that image you just gave me, I'm thinking, okay, when I come in a room, when we come in a room, how do I take up space? Yeah, that's it. Right? That's it. How do I change the environment? So we have all these experiences, we have all these things, we have all these people that formed us and shaped us. But I've also learned is that it is often our hopes, expectations, and desires, oftentimes unvoiced, yeah, that really shape how things are gonna go. Like this example you gave. Well, I'm expecting everyone to be on board, I'm hoping they're gonna be on board. My desire is that you would be as excited as I am. That's good. But we don't think those things out loud. Typically, we like bump up against them a bunch of times. I mean, marriage is like that, right? Yep. Like, oh, I thought you were gonna do this. But when we're leading the team or we're working with someone, yeah, the same thing happens, and then we kind of miss those communications. Yeah, it's

Expectations That Go Unsaid

SPEAKER_00 8:17

like almost we need to name those things to even be able to get there. I feel like just a tool, and I don't want to I don't want to get practical too quick. I know, I know we always want to go there. This is good, man. But like an inventory. Yep. That's do we take inventory? Yeah, right? And that takes inventory takes courage. Yeah. Inventory takes time and intentionality, inventory takes seeing, taking the long view, right? Rather than responding to the immediate. So, all right. You mentioned this idea of blind spots. Can you define what a well, how would you define a blind spot?

SPEAKER_03 8:59

Yeah, I I think you you were hitting on it, man. It's the spaces in our life or our leadership that we are just not aware of, right? I I just the lack of self-aware. Yeah, I'm just not aware of it. I I just I don't I can't see it the way other people see it. Right. Right? It's just it's for example, you know, when I'm sitting in this space and you and I are talking, the camera's over here, right? There's a blind, I just I can see a little bit like out of my peripheral, but there's still some things that I just can't see.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

You know what I mean? When you say, so you have this example, um that's like a blind spot moment. Yeah. But tell me about a tell me about a blind spot that you've discovered. Because you know what I learned about these blind spots is they keep coming back, right? Like a blind spot. Even when I like, oh, I can't see over there. Yeah, when I turn my head, I still can't see over there. It's like you're driving in a car. It's always gonna be your blind spot. I'm not saying

What Is A Blind Spot

SPEAKER_00 9:57

that's always the case. Yeah, yeah. But what for you has been been a blind spot that you've had to navigate in your own leadership?

SPEAKER_03 10:03

You know what I think it is? Uh you you mentioned something, but blind spots mature. Right? There's you know, it's like they they seem to mature and they evolve, they take on different faces, but it's the same thing. Right. Um, I'll I'll share another story and it'll point to one of the blind spots I have. And so even the fact of me saying it, I don't know if it's a blind spot as much as it's something I avoid dealing with. Right, right. Right. Um, I'll never forget being in college. Uh, I was in the Army ROTC, and there was this guy named uh his name it was Captain Decree at the time, but his major decree by the time I was finished, he was uh, you know, uh Joe Decree.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

And you said this dude's name was Captain Decree.

SPEAKER_03 10:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Okay. He was serious, man. He was a serious dude, bro.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

Serious dude. And and and he was uh you might be listening to the major decree. I don't yeah, yeah. Man, he he he changed my life because he helped me see a blind spot that it's matured,

Nobody Grows From You Not Being Great

SPEAKER_03 11:00

right? And I still have to deal with it. But I'm sitting in this class, and um I was sitting in the probably, I don't know if I was sitting in the front or the back, but he said uh I knew the answer. He would ask a question for the folks in the room, and I refused to kind of raise my hand. I kind of got a little bit nervous because, like, these guys know a lot more about this, they know more about that. I I don't really belong here at the table. And so I didn't raise my hand. He called me on it. He said, Hey, can I talk to you? Um, went to his office, and I'm like, Oh gosh, man, what's what's going on? Captain DeCree. He says to me, for lack of better words, he says, Nobody grows from you not being great. I said, Okay. I'm getting emotional. Think about it. He said, Nobody grows from you not being great. You knew the answer.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:51

And you decided to not share the answer. We can't grow by you holding on to what you know. Like, but by not sharing what you know. Like, nobody grows from you not being great. And he says, next time, like, share what you gotta share. Right. Say what you gotta say. We need to benefit from that. So what he was highlighting from me was man, what he's highlighting from me is 17-year-old James, right, or seven-year-old James, who still struggles with low self-esteem. Okay, who still struggles with, do I really belong in this room? Yeah. And so what I've seen in my leadership is that there are people who are depending on me, there are people who trust me, there are people who love being around me, love my leadership, but often my blind spot is I can't see it.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:41

I can't see that I'm doing a good job. Right. I actually have the answer for this problem, or I can figure out and our team, I can create some solution. And so I I've I've learned how to downplay myself and how to fit myself into a box. And so the blind spot that I I need to make sure I'm aware of constantly is how am I showing up? Like, am I am I um limiting myself? Am I telling myself, oh, that's just nobody needs to hear what you're saying? Or am I going in the other direction of what Major Decree was saying? Hey, nobody grows from you not being great.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Nobody grows from you not being great. You know what that tells me? Blind spots are expensive. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

They are. They have a cost. They have cost.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Yeah, wow.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

They've cost, they've cost initiative, they've they've cost uh leadership. They I've I've there's been moments like, yeah, we could, we could go past this, but because I was afraid really uh of actually stepping into that lane of greatness, because what I don't want to do is I don't want to disappoint people, right? Right? I I don't want to uh you know, I don't want people to not be impressed. Right. And so I'm a I'm a three on the Enneagram, right? It's it's about achievement, but that achievement is tied to the sense of how do people see me? Right, right. So the blind spot I constantly have to come back to is wait, am I just doing this for somebody's approval, or is this what's really critical for the mission? Should I is this what I need to do? Right, or am I just

Blind Spots Are Expensive

SPEAKER_03 14:10

playing it safe? Because I I'm I'm not risk averse, really. I I'm like, right, dude, I I've my family and I have moved eight or nine times. Like I'm not risk averse. I've stayed, stood, I've stood on stages that most people would cower at. Like, I'm not risk averse. I am though, a people pleaser at heart. Sure. I am someone that's trying to gain approval. And so the blind spot for me is often okay, am I doing this because I'm afraid of what they'll say about me? Right. Or am I doing this because I know it's the right thing to do?

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Just to just to reflect back on that, I'm an Enne RAM 8. So this need to appear strong or not be weak. Yeah. Um, appear weak as like it's defined. Yeah. And so that that blind spot you have for this need for approval. Like, why am I really doing this? Yeah. And I can't see it because it's so it's so muddy. It's so for me, it's more of like I always tell people like the line between tough and stupid. I don't know. I can't see it. I just can't see it. Yeah. Sometimes I will do things, whether or not they are the most impactful, uh, the highest priority, um, makes sense just because they're hard. Like, why'd you wake up at that time today? Well, I I I thought I had to. I needed I needed to be sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, would you have run further faster if you got more sleep? Right. And so all of a sudden this kind of kind of holds it back. Or for me, it would be like, well, I don't want to share that I had a bad day with my team. Because I don't want them to think I'm weak. Yeah. When really what we know is right, people connect with your weaknesses. And so there for me, that's that's the blind spot. Here's the crazy part. I was doing this research. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, Tasha Yurik, an organizational psychologist. This is gonna hit hard. Yeah, this is a word for you and I 95% of people think they're self-aware. I'm like, yeah, I think I was self-aware.

Tough Or Stupid: The Line I Miss

SPEAKER_00 16:15

Yeah, yeah, I know this. I got this, yep. Only 10 to 15 percent truly are.

SPEAKER_03 16:21

That's real.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

Wow. That's so real. That's so real. Then it goes, okay, self-awareness is critical to leadership. Yeah, everybody agrees on that. Yeah, right. The best leaders are self-aware leadership.

SPEAKER_03 16:33

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

Yet we have these blind spots, and by definition, a blind spot is something that we cannot see. You can't see it. The opposite of self-awareness. And so the question would be: okay, how do we navigate blind spots? What do we do? So what's one thing? Give me a question.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

Yeah, you you hit on it, man, but I think it was so good. I almost wanted to circle back to it. Yeah, that jargon. There it is. Circle back. Um inventory, right? Right. To take an honest inventory of where you are. And I think that that takes courage, uh, like you said, because I've now got to face the things that I was unwilling to face. Yeah, because again, it's not that, you know, you may have someone saying, This is a blind spot. We were talking about, hey, how do you know it's a blind spot? Some of it is that you keep tripping over the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 17:20

It's I I heard this story years ago. I forgot who told me about it, uh, but there was this dancer, and this dancer was the most world-renowned dancer. She shows up to the most beautiful place to do her dance, and she gets to this spot where she's doing her thing, and she gets to her spot and she falls. She had practiced this dance tons of times, but she falls. All right, so they're thinking, man, what's up with her? What's going on? They bring in another dancer who is this world-renowned dancer. She's been practicing for years, and she

Few Are Truly Self-Aware

SPEAKER_03 17:50

gets to this spot and she falls. Yeah. What's going on with it? They bring in another dancer who is this world-renowned dancer. He gets to the spot and he falls. Finally, somebody has the nerve to say, What if it's not to the dancer? What if it's not the place? What if it's the floor? Right. And they finally realize, like, uh, it's the floor. And so I think what happens, what we need to do as leaders is take an inventory, an honest inventory of okay, what am I bringing to the table? What am I bringing? Who I show up as? What what do I have? But not from a posture of judgment. I think that's dangerous. Yeah. When we often, oh my gosh, I'm just a terrible leader. No, that's that's extreme. Yeah. Right. The better version of this is I showed up

Inventory With Courage

SPEAKER_03 18:33

today.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

Something didn't go right.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

What happened?

SPEAKER_03 18:37

Yeah. What am I feeling? So I think if we can have regular rhythms of that, uh, regular rhythms of taking inventory. Like I've I found I just came back from uh speaking and I enjoyed doing it, right? So I preached, uh I did a youth retreat. I did that. I was a bunch of leaders there. Then I preached on Sunday, and the the couple days before that, I was in another like networking marketing at an annual conference. It was really cool. And but I was feeling so charged up as I was on the train, I started feeling a little anxious. Yeah. I'm like, what's going on? Yeah. So I'm learning now to take a pause and say, okay, what happened? What really happened? Oh, this was good. This was good. Right. Also, what was I feeling in the moment? What's the fear that keeps showing up?

SPEAKER_01 19:22

Right.

SPEAKER_03 19:22

What's that what and what have I been running from?

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Right.

SPEAKER_03 19:25

Who who's in my voice? All of those things. So I think if we take just some clear inventory um and not from a place of judgment, but a place of understanding. Yeah. I think that's really critical because you can't, you can't change what you don't understand. Right. So that's true.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Yeah, I'm good and I want to grow. Where are we stuck? Where are we stumbling? I even think where are we experiencing resistance? Yeah. And for me, that's a word because I think resistance is like, well, that's what you push through. And and I I think we should do hard things, period. And we need to pay attention to resistance. Yeah. What's whether it's inside. That's good. That's good. What's going on? That's good. Here's one that has been helpful for me and is still hard to palate sometimes, still hard to swallow. Is my team said this to me the other day. They said, and I this is a proud leadership moment, so you know, whatever. Not to be prideful or both. Go for it. But they said, Well, JC, you love feedback. I said, I don't love feedback. No, no, I don't. I got feedback today from my superior, and I had to go, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll take that. Yeah. This is a good thing. This is a helpful thing. Yeah. This is a good thing that's going to help me grow. This is going to help me see my blind spots. Yeah. And yeah. And so feedback is so helpful, even though it can be hard to swallow. Yeah. But I don't think it's like feedback by mistake. I feel like a lot of people's image of feedback is like, oh, well, we here, fill out this form. Yeah. We got you this thing. Yeah. And that's just not true. Yeah. Like the best feedback happens in the hallway. Not like, James, come and sit in my office. Yeah. Like, granted, uh, Captain.

Feedback You Can Actually Swallow

SPEAKER_00 21:05

Captain Degree. Yeah. Yeah. He had that. He could speak into that. Yeah. But I think we kind of freak people out and it makes them hard to receive their feedback. If that's always our go-to. Yeah. Like coming to the principal's office. Yeah. You need to sit down. We need to have that feedback. But also, I think the key to feedback is one, being willing to receive it, but two, showing up as a person that people are willing to give it to. If I give you feedback and you bite my head off, or you deny it vigorously, and I tried to give it in a way where I thought you could receive it, and maybe I wasn't great, but I tried. Yeah. Well, I'm like, I'm not giving that dude feedback. That's not helpful. That's not helpful.

SPEAKER_03 21:43

That could be a blind spot for it. Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Yeah. Blind spot. Create a feedback culture. And I also think we think accountability and feedback happens always top down. And bottom up is great too. But I think the magic of feedback is where when you have a team that does it shoulder to shoulder. Yeah. Where the leader can sit in the room and someone, someone misses the mark or someone's behaving in a way. Because like performance things are easier to talk about than behavioral things. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's really, it's one thing to say, like, James, you were late on that deadline. Yeah. It's another thing to say, uh, James, your breath stinks really bad, and it's actually messing with the clients. Yeah. And how do we deal with that? Yeah. Bad breath, blind spot. It's so real. No, for real, but you on it today, man. Okay. I think I think feedback is so important. Yeah. Um, and that's one of the ways. If it you talked about these blind spots that I think one, blind spots can be things that we avoid, right? That we actually put the blinders on. I'm putting blinders on it. Yeah. Which is cool because then we have the ability once we identify those things. If we have the courage, take them off. Yeah. Yeah. But then there's blind spots that are just blind. Yeah. And we don't know we have. And so what do we need? Yeah. We need a mirror. Yeah. We need a team. Yep. But that team's got to trust that we're not going to bite their head off. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 23:01

And it's a growing, it's a growth process, right? It's something that

Build A Feedback Culture

SPEAKER_03 23:05

I need to consistently grow in because we we, especially if we're in a culture where you're trying to shift towards offering feedback, if I'm so used to always hearing, uh, this is wrong, that's wrong. Right. If I'm always looking for the things you do wrong, um it's gonna be really weird to hear the things that I do right.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

And likewise, if I'm always hearing the things I'm doing right, it's really difficult to digest what I'm doing wrong. So it has to be this uh creative rhythm or this creative balance of, hey, we are constantly. What I know about you and your team is that you're constantly having conversation. And it's not just when things are wrong or when things are right, it's just when things are. We we're just talking. We're we're sharing in this. I think that's important organizationally, is we've got to be able to share in the mission, right? We've got to be able to share in the vision. And if I have this shared leadership, really, it feedback is gonna be right, it's inevitable. Like we just, okay, cool. And knowing, here's the the I heard someone say, uh, ma'am, because what we're what we're I feel like we're dancing on is that feedback can often cause conflict, right? Feedback can cause conflict.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

And my it is conflict. It's that it's friction.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

And my ability to get back from that really shows the depth of the relationship. Yeah, my ability to to move from that. So I think it's there's some layers to it because who I get feedback from is important, yeah, right? So Major Decree had enough relational capital with me to share something that was really challenging and hard that he saw, and it was like well received. Yes. Where there are some leaders who are now, because of their position, they assume that I can share this feedback with this person. Right. And then it comes across like, I'm not hearing that. You don't because you know why? One, I don't trust you. Trust is right, yeah. Two, because I don't trust you, I also know that you don't understand me.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:08

And so I think that, man, I was just on a podcast recently, this cool, cool moment, that

Trust, Pace, And Conflict

SPEAKER_03 25:15

we typically harm in hurry.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_03 25:19

Like we harm the most in a hurry. And so if I'm so used to you being, and I'm just thinking of some personal experiences, if I'm so used to you being my senior leader and you're moving and shaking and doing things, which is great for the organization, but you haven't really spent an invested time in me. Right. And now you want to share some concerns or feedback, yeah. Yeah, we we're gonna have an issue because even even the best leaders are gonna rise up in those moments. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

So and expectations are huge. I mean, I've I've seen someone in a relationship with with their supervisor where encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, like you were talking about. But then when the feedback would come, because it was so irregular and it was never a conversation, yeah, it would be like, What is this? Wow, you must have really been upset. It's like, no, no, no, they're just they don't have that regular, yeah, that regular, which I think is so important. You were talking about something earlier before we got on today about forced feedback. And I have I have two thoughts on that. One is you ever hear of an Odysseus pact? So Odysseus, like Iliad and Odyssey, he's down across the sea, and the sirens, these uh like mythical creatures that have this beautiful voice, they're so beautiful that you you jump off the ship and go into the water. Yep, they're like mermaids usually. Yeah, right. And Odysseus says, Okay, I want to hear their voice. Tie me to the mass. And no matter what happens, no matter what I say, don't let me off. Don't let me off. So he he made a decision, he had a conversation before the event. Yeah, that said, no matter what happens here, this is gonna be the outcome. He he sold out beforehand. And I think we can do that with feedback

Odysseus Pacts For Feedback

SPEAKER_00 27:03

too. That's good. To say, to open the door for someone and say, hey, James, here's me saying this in real time. So I don't know if I said this to you yet. Yeah, yeah. You have permission to give me feedback always. So now it's it's easier to receive almost in a way, and maybe this is just me playing on my own ego, but because I already told you to do it. I gave you permission. Yeah, permission, yeah. Now the the future conversation can stand on the foundation of the previous conversation. That's good. That's good. And we can look back at it and you can say, Hey, JC, remember you told me I can always give you feedback. Well, I love you, I want to see you grow. Here's what I saw. Great. So I think we can force some of the feedback in that, but even just enter into whether it's a a coaching relationship, uh, a therapist, that's great, a trusted confidant, somebody who we actually like put in the feedback seat, yeah, and say, I'm coming to you to grow for this reason. Yeah, here's what I recognize. Yeah, the only way I grow is if you help me become more self-aware. Yeah, you help me overcome these blind spots, which is gonna require feedback.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

Dude, I think that's so brilliant. I think also I would tag on to that, just the we were hitting on

Use Assessments, Avoid Labels

SPEAKER_03 28:07

it, inventory, and we were talking about Enneagram. I think taking some assessments are so brilliant. Like I know you work with Working Genius and things like that with Pat Lancioni, like those, that, those type of tools have been so helpful to sit with it. And again, it's not from a place of judgment, it's just from a place of awareness, like, oh, this is why I show up that way. Yeah. Oh, this is why that person's been affected by that. Right. And and not that those things, those assessments, because the other danger is sometimes we allow those assessments to become labels or our identity. Right. Um, and then we don't have room to grow. But it is a good starting point. It's a great starting point if somebody is saying, I I'll never forget, man, just um taking, well, I've taken a few of those assessments, but one that was really helpful is when you were talking about the work in genius. And you're like, yours is wonder, and I forgot the other one, uh invention. And I'm sitting there like, oh, that's why I always have these ideas. Yeah, that's why I really love the ideas. I don't like when we start getting into the weeds of things, and I gotta do this and I gotta do that. And again, I'm thinking through of a supervisor, a supervisor may be really frustrated with this person because it's like, or a leader may be frustrated with the person they're leading because, like, how come they're always showing up this way? Right. Meanwhile, that's just who this person is. And so some of it may be a blind spot for them, but it also could be a blind spot for you as a leader to say, right, I don't need to be working with everybody who's just like me.

SPEAKER_00 29:39

Right.

SPEAKER_03 29:39

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 29:40

So, dude, that is so that's a great thought that we birds of a feather flock together. Yeah, yeah. I like all these people. I work with some organization sometime, and I'll be like, Oh, your entire C-suite, the entire executive team, all have the same geniuses in the working genius language strength, yeah, yeah. And you all have

Team Blind Spots And Balance

SPEAKER_00 30:00

the same weaknesses or frustrations. So, no wonder. I'm like, this is not no wonder why you guys never get anything done because everyone wants to live in third. We can't. We can't so true. That's that's sometimes our blind spots come in come in the way of the things that we're really good at. Yeah, yeah. Because they come so naturally to us, or we gravitate towards them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't even realize I was frustrated with my team. Why are you guys not inviting these people to do this thing at this place? And they were like, We didn't even think of it. I was like, You didn't even think of it. And then I had to remember, oh, galvanizing's a genius of mine. That's that's what I do naturally. Yeah, that's actually a frustration.

SPEAKER_03 30:35

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

All right, so let me let me try and land the plane. Yeah, let's land the plane, man, because we could go on. So here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking leaders need to have the courage to dismantle their own blinders. Yeah, yeah. We gotta pay attention to where we're getting stuck, where we're tripping up. Yeah, and to grow in self-awareness, which is absolutely essential, we need to create spaces where others can help us become self-aware or reutilize the tools. Yeah. And so I would say I would say for any leader listening, if you want to cross the threshold and take

One Question To Cross The Threshold

SPEAKER_00 31:10

that next step in your own self-awareness, here's a question that you can ask. Next time you're with a trusted friend, someone you work with, a supervisor, ask this what's it like to be on the other side of me?

SPEAKER_03 31:26

That's powerful.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

And then you'll probably have to say, no, no, no. I really want to know this because I really want to grow. That's it, man. What's your what's your closing thought?

SPEAKER_03 31:36

I I man, you stole it, man. I think that you know, this idea that you can't lead what you can't see. Um awareness is the beginning. Self awareness is the beginning of leadership. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

Yeah.